


A Shift in the Atmosphere

by AnnaTheHank



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, It all turns out okay though, M/M, Shapeshifter, Soulmate AU, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, That's right, but very much fluff and happy ending, lots of angst what even @ me, shapshifter au, two aus for the price of one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 06:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18047498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaTheHank/pseuds/AnnaTheHank
Summary: Connor comes to find that Gavin is a shapeshifter unable to control his powers.





	A Shift in the Atmosphere

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!!! I swear this story wasn't supposed to be this angsty when I came up with it but I guess Gavin is just an angsty boy 🤷♀️🤷♀️  
> Anyway, there are two scenes that feature Gavin thinking about and then starting to attempt suicide. They are both marked if you want to read the story but skip over those.  
> I hope you enjoy it! It was a lot of fun to write

Connor tilted his head, studying Gavin as he poured out his mug of coffee. He blinked a few times, sure that what he was seeing must have been wrong. He tilted his head to the other side, squinting at Gavin, trying to remember his times seeing him in the past.

Gavin sighed heavily. He put his mug down and turned his scowl to the android. “Why don’t you take a picture?”

“I’m sorry?”

Gavin put his hands on his hips. “It tends to last longer.” Then Gavin scrunched his face up, leaning back a little. “Oh god. You can’t actually do that, can you? Take pictures?”

“I do have that function actually,” Connor said. “It helps with sorting and storing crime scene evidence.”

“Right.” Gavin rolled his eyes, turning back to his coffee. “Well you don’t have my permission to take my picture. So take that saucer stare somewhere else.”

“I’m sorry, Detective,” Connor said. He took a step forward, eyes focusing on Gavin’s ear. “I just, I wasn’t aware you had your ears pierced.”

“What?”

Connor reached out to touch Gavin’s ear lobe. Gavin swatted it away, snarling at him.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” he said.

“S-sorry,” Connor said, pulling his arm back. “I just, was curious.”

Gavin grabbed his ear, feeling around for the semi-closed hole. He huffed, chugging a drink of his coffee. “Curiosity killed the cat,” he said, smirking at Connor as he turned to leave. “I’m sure it’ll do the same to androids.”

Connor blinked, watching Gavin walk away. He went through his visual memory banks. He hadn’t really spent a lot of time looking at Gavin, and certainly less time studying his ears, but he was certain that Gavin had never had pierced ears before.

Humming this over, Connor returned to his desk. He looked over at Gavin, who was sitting at his desk, bent over the keyboard, typing lazily at the keys. 

“Hank,” Connor said, his voice slow as he studied the man. “Were you aware that Gavin pierced his ears?”

“Huh?” Hank looked up from his desk. He glanced over at Gavin and shrugged. “Must have touched someone who did.”

Connor pulled his eyebrows together, tilting his head, urging Hank on for more information.

“Shapeshifter?” Hank said. He leaned across his desk. “You do know that Gavin’s a shapeshifter right?” Connor shook his head and Hank leaned back. “Oh. Well, he is. Doesn’t talk about it much.”

Connor hummed to himself and did a quick database check in his head. Shapeshifters, he discovered, used to be fairly popular, but had since been hunted to near extinction. It seemed that shapeshifters were able to alter their bodies to match those that they made physical contact with.

“Interesting,” Connor said. 

He looked back over at Gavin. Two officers were standing behind his desk talking. One kept pointing to Gavin, and the two would snicker. Connor watched them with intense interest.

The second one, an Officer named Jacob Smalls, as Connor scanned, eventually nodded and slowly crept over to Gavin. The detective was looking down at a file on his desk. He scratched his head and the Smalls flinched. But Gavin just continued to read so the over shot a hand out, fingers brushing the skin of Gavin’s neck.

Gavin immediately jumped up, arm flying back to cover his exposed area. He turned around, aiming a scowl at the two officers. The once laughing men were quiet, everyone in the room watching them. 

Connor tensed, ready for the fight he was sure would break out. But instead, Gavin turned sharply to the side and rushed out of the room. The two officers went back to laughing, earning them a few glances from others, but on the whole, no one else really responded.

Hank shook his head and turned back to his computer. “Jerks,” he mumbled.

“Is Gavin alright?” Connor asked. He stood up a bit, looking down the hall that Gavin had jogged down.

“He’ll be fine,” Hank said. “Those two assholes do that all the time.”

Connor finished standing up. “I’m going to go check on him.”

He didn’t give Hank the time to argue. He walked down the hall with hard steps, a rage fuming inside him that he didn’t know he had. He reached the end of the hall but had not found Gavin. He did a scan of the area and determined that the emergency exit he saw a few steps back was the most likely route that the detective took.

And indeed, Connor found Gavin in the back lot of the offices, standing by the chain-link fence, fingers white as they gripped it, watching the minimal traffic pass in the city.

“Gavin,” Connor said, standing just behind him. “Are you okay?”

He heard a sniffle, and then Gavin wiped at his face. “I’m fine,” he said, his voice nasally. “Go away.”

“I just wanted to make sure,” Connor said. He instinctively went to reach for Gavin’s shoulder, but pulled his arm back. “Because of what happened.”

“I said I’m fine,” Gavin growled. “Now go the fuck away.”

“It’s just,” Connor took a tentative step forward, “I can imagine it was a very traumatic experience. If you need to talk about it, you can.”

Gavin spun around. His face was red and his eyes were wet. But the strange thing about his eyes was that they were a noticeably bright blue, quite contrary to the soft grey the were before.

“I’m not talking to you about anything. Just leave me the fuck alone.” He pushed past Connor quite forcibly, making the android stumble a bit to compensate. 

Connor stood in the back lot for a moment, staring at the door. He felt a deep sadness in him and it was equal parts odd and unsettling. Other deviants had told him that his empathy would increase with his new found freedom, but he hadn’t expected it to be this strong. 

He shook his head, trying to shake those feelings loose. They followed him all the way back to his desk, and they settled like a weight on his body when he saw that Gavin was not back yet.

-

It’s not like Connor had read Gavin’s file, but he knew that the detective had an almost spotless attendance record, the odd day here and there where he had shown up a few minutes late. But it was unheard of for him to be twenty minutes late without a word.

Connor tapped his finger on his desk, staring at the door, trying to will Gavin into walking through. Hank returned from the break room with his coffee, sighing as he sat down.

“You look at that evidence yet?” He asked, looking at Connor over the rim of his mug.

“Huh?” Connor asked, startling.

“The crime scene evidence? You know? From the crime we’re trying to solve?”

“Oh, yes, right. Sorry.” 

Connor turned to his computer, pulling up the files and scanning through pictures and notes. Every time the doors to the precinct opened, Connor’s eyes flicked over to them, his body sagging a bit when the person walking in wasn’t who he was searching for.

“What’s got you so distracted?” Hank asked.

“It’s nothing,” Connor said. Then he thought better of it. “Have you heard from Gavin this morning? He’s quite late.”

Hank grunted and looked over at Gavin’s desk. He shrugged. “He probably took the day off after what happened.”

“But…” Connor frowned.

“Why do you care so much?” Hank asked. 

“I don’t,” Connor said, his voice pitched in defense. “I’m just curious is all. I’m allowed to want to know the whereabouts of my coworkers aren’t I?”

Hank gave him a look. “I guess.”

-

After work that day, Connor refused the ride home from Hank and instead made his way over to Gavin’s apartment. He didn’t want Hank to question him anymore, so he made some excuse that he was going shopping with Markus to get him some better human clothes.

It was a total lie, he told himself, as he did indeed buy human clothes on the way.

He adjusted his tie slightly before knocking on Gavin’s door. He heard the detective grumble a bit before the door flew open.

He stood before Connor in a pair of baggy sweatpants and an oversized sweater that hung off one shoulder. Connor wasn’t sure why, but he couldn’t seem to stop staring at Gavin’s collar bones.

“What the fuck do you want?” Gavin asked, one hand on the door, one on the frame.

“I brought you something,” Connor said. He reached into his bag and pulled out one of the turtlenecks he had bought him. “It’s a turtleneck sweater,” he explained.

He was too busy looking at the sweater that he missed Gavin’s body tensing up before he slammed the door. Connor blinked at the door, LED blinking rapidly. He put the sweater back in the bag and knocked again.

“Go away,” Gavin’s voice called out to him.

“But...don’t you want your sweaters.”

“Fuck no I don’t want any damn sweaters.”

“But they could be useful. If your neck is covered, no one can touch it.”

“That’s not the fucking point, asshole.”

Connor frowned, biting his lip a little. “May I come in? I feel I could better understand where I went wrong if we talked about it.”

It was quiet for a moment, then the door opened slightly.

“What are you going on about?” Gavin asked, peering out at him.

“I realize I’m still not the best at certain human interactions. I may have an advance social program at my disposal, but there are still some irradicacies of human emotion I haven’t fully mastered. It would aid me greatly if you could explain to me where I went wrong in buying you these sweaters, as I was under the assumption they would be helpful. I’d like to know why they wouldn’t be.”

Gavin groaned, rolling his eyes as he opened the door again. Not entirely invited in, Connor scooched inside, facing Gavin in the small entry hall.

“Look, I don’t want to have to dress like a fucking nun just because I can’t touch people, okay? I did the whole gloves and scarves thing in high school and it was a fucking nightmare.”

“I see,” Connor said. “Your past experiences have shifted your view on this subject. I should have considered that.” Connor smiled at him. “I apologize. Here, you can return these and get something you’d like. I still want to give you something.”

Gavin reached for the bag, holding onto the handle. “You’re really fucking weird, you know that right?”

Connor looked down at the bag, blinking a bit. “Detective…”

“What?”

“Our hands are touching.”

“Fucking shit!”

 

Gavin pulled away, the bag dropping to the floor.

“Please tell me I don’t look like you,” Gavin said, running down the hall towards the bathroom.

Connor followed. He watched as Gavin raced around the room, checking his face in the mirror, using a pencil and a wall measurer to test his height, even stepping eagerly onto a scale to see if his weight had changed.

He sighed, coming to a still in the center of the room. “That’s odd,” he said. “Something always changes.” Then his eyes opened wide, and he pulled at the waist of his pants, looking down. He sighed again, holding a hand to his chest as he let the fabric fall back into place.

“I don’t understand,” Connor said. “What’s going on?”

“You tell me? We touched and nothing changed. That doesn't happen.”

“That is a bit odd,” Connor said, his head tilting as he examined Gavin. “Perhaps it’s because you weren’t aware of it at the time?”

Gavin shook his head. “No. No I think…” his voice dropped to a whisper. “What if it doesn’t work with androids?”

“That...could be a viable explanation. Perhaps if shifting works based on biology, the lack of it in androids would negate the process.”

“Fuck,” Gavin said, his heart rate and stress levels elevating as his breath turned heavy. “Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!”

He raced out of the room, pushing past Connor. He grabbed his coat, leaving his door open as he left the apartment. Connor closed it for him as he followed. They stepped out into the bracing air, Gavin hopping from foot to foot as he looked up and down the street.

“Detective, you really should be wearing shoes,” Connor commented.

“Shut-up,” Gavin said. He spotted someone walking down the street and ran after them. “Hey, hey wait up!” The woman turned around, blue LED illuminating the air around them.”I need to touch you,” Gavin said.

“What?” the android asked, taking a step back, LED turning yellow.

Gavin grunted and reached out, grabbing the android’s hand. He jolted back, holding onto his head as his hair started to grow and change to a blond color.

“Fuck!” Gavin shouted, running back down the street to his apartment building.

“I’m terribly sorry,” Connor said to the woman. “He’s uhm...well, yeah.” He chased after Gavin, calling out his name.

The door to Gavin’s apartment slammed before he could reach it. But it was still unlocked and Connor simply walked in. He heard a clatter from the bathroom and followed it. Gavin was standing at the sink, a pair of scissors in hand, chopping wildly at his hair. 

“Gavin,” Connor said, watching the action with a hint of fear.

“What the fuck are you still doing here?” Gavin asked, turning to the door, scissors held out. 

Connor took a step back, hands up a bit. “I think you should let me help you. You’re very distressed.”

“I’m not letting you anywhere near me.” Gavin returned to chopping at his hair, the blades flying around wildly as he went along, tugging his head this way and that. 

Connor was no longer afraid of himself getting hurt, more fearful that Gavin would stab himself in the head somewhere. He stepped forward and grabbed Gavin’s wrists, stilling his movements.

“Hey!” Gavin said, struggling to pull away. “Let go of me.”

“Please,” Connor said, keeping his voice calm. “Obviously you don’t have to worry about changing with me, so let me help.”

Gavin glanced at the mirror, eyes bouncing between his face and the hands on his skin. “I...fucking whatever.”

His body relaxed a bit and Connor nodded. “Thank you for your cooperation.”

He took the scissors and went to work cutting and styling Gavin’s hair. He pulled up a picture of how it used to be in his mind, and he managed to get it pretty close. 

“It’s still blond,” he said, stepping back a bit.

Gavin’s voice was tired and weak. “There’s color in the closet.”

Connor turned around and opened the closet, spotting an entire shelf full of hair color boxes. He grabbed one and read through the instructions as he went to grab a chair from the kitchen. 

Connor’s fingers worked methodically over Gavin’s scalp, the human flinching a bit every time the pads drifted too close to his forehead or ears. But Connor kept an eye on Gavin’s face and body, noting no changes no matter how much contact they shared. 

After rinsing out the color, Connor grabbed a towel and started to dry off Gavin’s hair for him. The towel was surprisingly soft, a fluffy consistency he hadn’t expected to find in Gavin’s apartment. It was nice, he thought, as he rubbed his hands around it. And he was happy to know that Gavin enjoyed it’s comfort every day.

“Are you done yet?” Gavin asked, his voice muffled through the towel.

“Ah, yes. Sorry.” Connor stepped back, hanging the towel up and looking at his handiwork.

Gavin stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. “Hmm,” he said, grabbing at his hair and tilting his head to see it from all angles. “Not terrible, I guess.”

“You’re welcome,” Connor said, a soft smile on his face.

Gavin sighed. “Yeah yeah, thanks. Now get out of my apartment.”

“Don’t you think we should talk about what happened?”

“Nope.” Gavin left the room and led Connor to the door. He held it open, foot tapping slightly as he waited.

Connor frowned. “I understand he said. You need some time to process what occurred.” He stepped out into the hallway. “Please call me when you’re feeling better. I really do think we should talk.”

“Whatever.” Gavin shut the door in Connor’s face. Connor stood there a moment longer, listening to Gavin’s footsteps in his apartment. 

He placed a hand on the door, wishing it would open again. He couldn't explain it, but he felt a strange pull towards Gavin, a need to see him and talk to him and...and to touch him. But he shook the notion from his head, walking away. Even if Gavin didn’t seem to change with him, he knew the detective would never feel comfortable with anyone touching him, let alone Connor. He had to learn to be okay with that.

-  
Connor was glad that the next day at work had him and Hank out at a crime scene most the time. He wasn’t sure what he would do if faced with a conversation with Gavin. He knew he would try to talk with him about last night’s events, but he also knew that wasn’t what Gavin wanted, at least, not yet.

So Connor concentrated himself on his work. They figured out a likely suspect, tracked them down to the train station, had a bit of a chase through the crowded streets before Connor took them down, earning himself some praise from Hank.

By the time they got back to the office, Gavin had already left for the day. And while Connor was relieved he wouldn’t be forced to figure out how to interact with him, he was also a little saddened. He had only really seen Gavin for a few minutes that morning before they went off, and he kind of missed looking at him. 

They finished up their paperwork, or rather, Hank grumbled about staying late as Connor did it for them, and then went home to spend a perfectly enjoyable evening watching a few movies they had been meaning to get to.

That perfectly enjoyable evening, however, was interrupted when Connor received a phone call.

“Hello?” Connor said, startling Hank a little before he remembered that android’s had phones in their heads.

“Connor?” Gavin’s voice said from the other line. Connor tilted his head, it was a number he didn’t recognize, and that concerned him. “Uhm, I...uh, I need your help.”

Connor sat up straight, body tense. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Where are you?”

“I’m at that shopping center on fifth. I was just getting some take out and this whole crowd of people showed up and I don’t have my coat. I can’t...I can’t really get out.”

“I’m on my way,” Connor told him, standing up.

“Everything alright?” Hank asked. 

“It will be,” Connor said. He walked over to the closet, rummaging around. “Uh, Markus needs some help with something,” he said. He pulled out an old coat with a set of matching gloves. “May I borrow this?”

“Uh, sure?”

“Thank you. I’m not sure when I’ll be back. Sorry about the movies.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hank said. “Be safe.”

Connor gave him a quick smile. I will.”

-

Connor pushed his way through the throng of people, searching this way and that for Gavin. He found him in the back corner, pressed up against the wall, eyes carefully watching anytime a body got too close.

Connor rushed over and relief spread over Gavin’s face. 

“Thank god,” Gavin said, grabbing the coat from Connor and wrapping himself in it.

“What happened?” Connor asked, forcing the gloves onto Gavin’s hands.

“Some fucking dentist convention or some shit, I don’t know. Just get me the fuck out of here.”

Connor nodded, grabbed Gavin’s shoulders, and curled over him a bit as they headed for the entrance. They rubbed up against plenty of people but the coat and Connor’s body protected Gavin from any lasting harm. 

When they finally made it outside, Gavin bent over, breathing the cold air in big, gulping breaths. Connor spied Gavin’s car a few spots away, engine still running, and gently led him to it. Gavin didn’t say anything or put up a fight as Connor helped him into the passenger seat, lifting Gavin’s coat off the cushion and laying it over his lap.

Connor got in the driver’s seat and pulled them out of the lot. It was quiet for a bit as they drove. But only a block away from Gavin’s apartment, he spoke up.

“Uhm, thanks...I guess,” Gavin said, looking out the window.

“It was no trouble at all,” Connor said, smiling at him. “I’m happy to help, and I’m glad that I could.”

Gavin didn’t dissuade Connor when he followed him up to his apartment. Didn’t even say anything as Connor sat next to him on the couch. He just sat there, still in Hank’s coat and gloves, scrunched over, staring at the floor.

Connor reached a hand out, hovering it over Gavin’s arm. It wavered in the air a bit before Connor decided otherwise and pulled it back. After a few moments of deafening silence, Gavin sighed and shrugged off the coat, handing it and the gloves back to Connor.

“Thanks again,” he said. “I, uh, I really did appreciate it.”

“Anytime,” Connor said. “Seriously. Don’t ever hesitate to call if you need me.”

Gavin nodded. “It was stupid,” he whispered. 

Connor waited a moment before asking, “What was?”

Gavin shook his head. “I shouldn’t have left my coat in the car. I fucking knew that. But, god, it just didn’t look crowded and it was oddly warm this evening and just...it was fucking stupid.”

“It wasn’t stupid,” Connor told him. “You couldn’t possibly have known that crowd would show up.”

“A crowd always shows up,” Gavin said. He leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. “I fucking know that. And there’s nothing I can do to protect myself.”

Connor felt a strange sensation in his systems, something he had never experienced before. It was kind of like sadness, but with a tint of anger to it. He didn’t like it.

“Perhaps there’s a way you can learn to protect yourself,” Connor said. “Maybe something you can do that’ll prevent yourself from changing.”

“Gee,” Gavin said, his hands falling to the couch, his face sarcastic. “I never thought to try that. What a brilliant idea.”

“No need to get snippy,” Connor told him. “There has to be something you haven’t tried yet.”

“I’ve tried everything,” Gavin said. “But please, if you have any ideas I’m all ears.”

“Well, you’re used to being tense when people touch you,” Connor said, his hand hovering over Gavin’s fist. “Understandably. I think if you just relax, it’ll help.”

Gavin scoffed. “Like that’s so easy.”

“You just need practice.” Connor’s hand landed on Gavin’s and Gavin’s body tensed up. “It’s alright,” Connor said, his voice dropping to a whisper. “You won’t change with me.”

Connor’s fingers worked their way between Gavin’s, uncurling them so his hand laid flat. He ran his thumb gently up and down the side of Gavin’s hand, watching his own movements with steady wonder.

He heard a sniff and looked up. Gavin was staring at where their hands met, tears falling down his face. Connor stiffened, sitting up straight, already pulling his hand away. But Gavin shot out his other hand, pinning Connor to him. Connor relaxed a bit, studying Gavin’s face.

“I-” Gavin tried to speak. But he couldn’t seem to get any words out through the knot in his throat. He had never had this before. Had never just touched someone. Not without the fear and anxiety of a shift. 

He bit his lower lip, begging himself to stop crying. But Connor’s hand was warm. And all Gavin wanted to was be wrapped up in that feeling, to know how it felt along every inch of his skin, not just his hand. He wanted to be held by that warmth, that touch, that caring caress. 

He looked up, his watery grey eyes meeting Connor’s soft brown ones. Eyes that were so full of worry and care. Eyes maybe even full of love.

And then Gavin cleared his throat, pulling his hand back. He wiped at his face. “You should go,” he said. “It’s getting late. Wouldn’t want Hank to worry or anything.”

“I can stay,” Connor said, his voice a little too eager. “If you want.”

“No no,” Gavin said, not able to bring himself to look at him again. “I’m fine. Really.”

“Okay, well,” Connor stood up, his body movements stiff and unsure. “If, uh, if you need anything, just...just let me know, okay?”

Gavin just nodded, holding the back of his hand to his eyes, still unable to stop crying. As soon as Connor was out of the apartment Gavin collapsed onto the couch, pulling his knees to his chest, hugging himself and crying until he fell asleep.

-

Connor hummed to himself, typing mindlessly at his computer. He sighed, a habit he thought he was picking up from Hank, and frowned. It was so much faster and easier to file reports in his head, but Fowler made him type them all out. It was boring.

His gaze wandered over to Gavin. He was sitting hunched over his desk, staring intently at his screen. Connor did a quick check on what case Gavin was working on. A double homicide a few blocks away. They were pretty sure the neighbor had done it, but they were conveniently missing. Connor noticed that Gavin had already sent officers to check with the suspect's known friends and families and usual hangouts. He smiled.

Then his smile turned to a frown as he watched officer Smalls walk in. Connor scowled at him, eyes following his every movement. At first, it seemed like Connor wouldn’t have anything to worry about. Then Gavin stood up, walking past Smalls’ desk to talk to someone else. 

Smalls glanced at him as he passed, then smirked, standing up to follow him. Connor clenched his hands into fists. He stood up, Hank giving him a questioning look. He crossed the room in quick strides, catching Small’s arm just inches above Gavin’s hand.

“What the-?” Smalls said, staring at Connor.

Gavin spun around, saw Smalls, and stuffed his hands in his pocket, scrunching his head down.

“Don’t touch him,” Connor said, grip tightening on the officer’s hand, twisting it back. 

There was a soft crack from the man’s wrist before Hank appeared, pulling Connor away. Connor struggled against Hank’s grip, the fire inside him begging to break just one more bone, but the man held him tight, and it wasn’t Hank that Connor wanted to hurt.

“What’s going on out here?” Fowler asked, rushing over from his office.

“That fucking android broke my wrist!” Officer Smalls said, holding said wrist tight against his chest, hissing through his teeth.

“He tried to touch Gavin,” Connor explained, giving the officer a look.

 

“In my office, now,” Fowler said to Connor.

“But-”

“Now!” Connor slumped away. “And someone get Smalls a doctor.”

Connor was too riled up to sit down, choosing to pace back and forth before Fowler's desk. Fowler sat down in his chair, sighing heavily. 

“You’ll have to be suspended,” Fowler said, grumbling a bit. “And we can’t afford that right now.” He shook his head, looking at the list of open cases before him.

“I’m suspended?” Connor asked, coming to a still before the desk. 

“One week,” Fowler told him. “No pay.”

“And what about Smalls?” Connor asked, crossing his arms.

“You should be lucky if he doesn’t press charges.”

“If he doesn’t press charges? He’s the one who should be in trouble here, not me.”

“You broke his wrist, Connor.”

Connor huffed. “I should have broken his whole arm.” He placed his hands on the desk, leaning over to Fowler. “He tried to touch Gavin against his will.”

Fowler shook his head. “There’s nothing I can do about that.”

“Nothing you can do?” Connor pushed away. “He tried to force Gavin to change. There’s got to be some kind of harassment law about that!”

“There isn’t,” Fowler told him. “But there is one about assaulting an officer. Which you’ve done. You should be glad. Normally a stunt like that is grounds for removal.”

Connor clenched his teeth together. “I used to think you were a good captain,” he said. “I thought you fought for justice like the rest of us. But you don’t even care about your own staff. You should be so glad to have such a hard worker as Gavin on your team. You don’t deserve him.”

Fowler stood up, face darkening, but Connor didn’t give him time to respond, storming out of the office before Fowler could speak. He stomped his way back to his desk, everyone in the room swiftly moving out of his way.

He stopped by his chair, hands balled up, body tense, that rage still inside him. He wanted to break things. Wanted to throw his computer to the ground, toss a chair out the window, anything to release his frustrations.

“What happened?” Gavin asked. He was standing there, a few inches away, body still hidden inside his coat like a turtle. 

Connor sighed, his insides calming down a little. “I’ve been suspended for a week,” he mumbled. He glanced over at Hank who stood by his own desk. “I’m sorry. I can still help you with our cases when we’re at home.”

Hank didn’t say anything, just nodded and looked down at his desk.

“I, uh, I guess I’ll go home,” Connor said. He shifted a bit where he stood, looking at Gavin. 

Gavin opened his mouth, let it hang there for a second, then closed it, biting his lip and looking away.

Connor looked at the two of them, his body sagging. He made his way out of the office. He moved more slowly than before, but everyone still scurried out of his way.

-  
Connor wasn’t really sure what to do with himself when he got home. He was usually working, or if not working hanging out with Hank and now Gavin. He tried to connect to the DPD database to do some work but found his access had been blocked. And he really didn’t want to worsen the situation by hacking in.

He took Sumo out for a long walk, but that still only took up about an hour of his day. He sat, fidgeting on the couch, bored. He had never been alone before, at least, not without something to do, and he was still too riled up to go into stasis. 

He needed to release his anger so he found a gym not too far away and spent his afternoon obliterating sandbags, pretending that they were Officer Smalls.

Hank was already home by the time Connor felt he was sufficiently released. 

“So,” Hank said, standing over the counter. A plate of eggs before him and the toaster light illuminating the dim room. “I guess Markus is Gavin’s new nickname, huh?”

“I knew you wouldn’t approve,” Connor stated. “My hanging out with Gavin.”

Hank sighed. “You don’t need my approval for anything not work-related,” he told him.

Connor frowned, watching Hank spread a slab of butter on his toast. “But I’d like it. You’re very important to me, Hank. And I value your opinion.”

Hank put his toast down on the plate and hung his head, hands resting on the counter. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I am a state of the art prototype,” Connor said. “I doubt Gavin could beat me in a fight, let alone actually do me any harm.”

“Not physically,” Hank said. He looked over at Connor, his face sagging a bit. “Emotionally.”

Connor furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head. “I don’t understand.”

“Look, I get that you like him, okay? But Gavin is probably the last person on Earth you should try to have a relationship with.”

Connor took a step back. “I don’t like him. I mean, I respect his work ethic and think overall he’s a good person, but I’m only trying to be friends.”

Hank scoffed, carrying his plate to the table. “Okay, Connor.”

“It’s true.” Connor followed after him. 

“Even if I believed that for a second, you can still do better than Gavin Reed as a friend.”

Connor huffed, remaining standing, arms crossed, as Hank sat down. “And just what exactly is wrong with Gavin Reed?”

Hank looked at him with one eyebrow raised. “You’re kidding right?” Connor shook his head. “He’s Gavin, Connor. He’s rude, arrogant, incredibly self-centered-”

“He’s none of that!”

“Have you spent any time with him?”

“Have you?” Connor turned away, pacing the length of the room, a hot red rage boiling inside him. “You only know the Gavin you see at work, the Gavin that has to be closed off and sheltered to protect himself. Why does nobody else get that? If he wasn’t so isolated then people like Officer Smalls would just harass him even more!”

“Well, maybe if he was a little bit nicer to people they wouldn’t try to harass him so much.”

Connor rolled his eyes, his movements stilling. “Oh, not you too. It’s not Gavin’s fault that people are jerks who want to hurt him.”

Hank held up a hand in defense. “I’m not saying that.”

“You just did!”

“Look, he’s not going to change, Connor, okay? You can’t just waltz into someone’s life and have all of their problems disappear. Gavin is set in his ways. And if you keep trying to change that, you’re just going to get hurt. And I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

“Gavin needs me,” Connor said. “All he’s known in his life are people like you who won’t take more than two seconds to actually care about him and try to help. I’m trying to help.”

“You can’t fix him, Connor.”

“He’s not broken, Hank.”

The two stared at each other in the silence a little longer. Hank opened his mouth to say something but Connor beat him to it.

“I’m going out,” he said, heading for the door. “Don’t wait up for me.”

He left, leaving Hank alone in the dimly lit house. Hank sighed, eyeing up his toast with distaste. Two bites later and he, too, was leaving the house, on his way to Jimmy’s.

-  
The walk to Gavin’s apartment from Hank’s house was a bit long, but Connor didn’t mind. It gave him time to think and process what had happened with Hank. He understood that Hank was worried for him, he just wished there was a way he could get Hank to understand that Gavin wouldn’t hurt him.

He knocked on Gavin’s door, brushing the few flakes of snow off his coat as he waited. The door swung open and Gavin was already walking back to his living room, not saying anything to Connor.

Connor wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or a bad one, but he was allowed in so that made him happy. He closed and locked the door behind him and followed Gavin to the couch.

“No crowds to save me from today, I’m afraid,” Gavin said, smirking a bit.

“Figured I should be around,” Connor replied. “Just in case.”

Gavin breathed a laugh. “Look, uhm, I guess...well, thanks. Again.”

Connor tilted his head, studying Gavin’s face, even though the man’s eyes were glued to the television. “For what?”

“Today? Stopping Smalls? That was uh…” Gavin tore his eyes away, looking at the ground instead. “No one’s ever done anything like that for me before.”

“Well, they should.”

Gavin twitched a smile. “Why did you, by the way?”

“He was harassing you,” Connor stated. “I wasn’t going to let that happen. I would do the same for everyone, really.”

“Really?” Gavin finally looked at him and the disbelief in his eyes wasn’t enough to stop Connor’s systems from fluttering. “You’d break some guys arm for everyone?”

“Well,” Connor frowned a bit, “okay, maybe not. But for you, yes.”

Gavin bit his lip, coughed, and turned away a bit. “So,” he said, his voice a bit muffled. “What brings you by huh?”

“Oh.” Connor sat back a bit. “Just...Hank and I had a fight.”

Gavin looked back over at him. “Seriously? You guys are like...best friends? What could you possibly have fought about?”

Connor looked away. “Well, you, actually.”

“Oh.” It was quiet for a moment. “Sorry.”

“No!” Connor said, his head snapping up, making Gavin jump a bit. “You have absolutely nothing to apologize for!” He grabbed Gavin’s hands, pulling him close, intense eyes staring into wide ones. “It’s not your fault that everyone seems to be a jerk that wants to make your life miserable!”

“Okay,” Gavin said, leaning back a bit. “That sounds reasonable.”

Connor’s grip increased on his hands. “It’s important to me that you understand that, Gavin. You are not the one in the wrong here. You’re protecting yourself and no one else understands that.” He shook his head. “And that’s not on you.”

Gavin bit his lip. “Alright, alright, I get it. You can let go now.”

Connor released his grip and fell back a bit. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I just...I’m tired of everyone making you out to be the bad guy.”

“And I appreciate that,” Gavin said. 

“I just,” Connor reached a hand out to Gavin, “I think you’re really something special. And not just because of your shifting.” His eyes searched Gavin’s face, making a mental map of all its curves and peaks. “You’re amazing, Gavin. You deal with so much all alone and you’re just…”

 

Connor’s hand gently fell on Gavin’s cheek, cupping his face, running his thumb across the skin. Gavin’s body tensed up, staring at Connor, a world of fear in his eyes.

“Ah,” Connor said, pulling his hand back. “I’m sorry.”

He scurried off the couch and headed for the door.

“Wait,” Gavin said. 

Even though he was whispering, Connor still heard it. He stopped, halfway down the hall, and turned to face him. Gavin got up, his whole body practically shaking. Connor stepped towards him, arms extended, worried he might fall.

Gavin reached out, holding onto Connor’s biceps, hands gripping him tightly. “I just, uh, I’ve never, uhm...This is my first time.” Gavin bent his head down, looking up at Connor through his eyelashes.

A jolt of electricity shot through Connor’s body and it was all he could do to not pull Gavin into a hug. He twitched a smile, trying to ease Gavin’s mind. “Mine too,” he said.

Gavin breathed out a huff of a laugh and took a few more steps closer. His body was still shaking, and Connor scanned his legs to make sure there wasn’t something wrong with him. His attention was distracted when Gavin reached up, grabbing Connor’s face between his hands.

Connor was pulled forward, his lips pressed again Gavin’s. And...they just stood there. Faces squished together, lips still as they kissed. Gavin kept his eyes open, blinking at Connor’s wide stare. They pulled apart a few seconds later.

Gavin huffed another laugh. “Don’t see what all the fuss is about,” he said. “If I had known that’s what kissing was like I wouldn’t have felt so bad missing out on it all this time.”

Connor didn’t know much about human emotions still, but he knew that wasn’t the response one was supposed to have to kissing. His LED spun yellow for a bit as he processed this and thought it over.

“What?” Gavin asked, watching Connor’s LED as he took a step back.

“May I?” Connor said, hands hovering near Gavin’s face.

“Uhh,” Gavin’s eyes bounced between the two android hands. “Sure?”

Connor held Gavin’s face and took that extra step forward, pulling Gavin’s head to him. He gently prodded Gavin’s mouth open with his upper lip, taking Gavin’s bottom one into his mouth. He closed his eyes, reconfiguring his sensors for focus more on his mouth, the taste of coffee and stale bagels on Gavin’s lips. He rubbed his teeth against Gavin’s mouth, sighing a bit at the feel of plump flesh between his teeth. This was certainly a much more enjoyable experience.

He could feel Gavin’s body stiffen before him but he didn’t want to stop. He selfishly continued to kiss at Gavin’s mouth, moving his lips to nip and suck and different locations, keeping notes on which places felt best.

When he felt he had gotten his fill, Connor pulled back, wiping the saliva off his lips. Gavin was staring at him, his body no longer shaking, but now stiff as a rod. He covered his mouth with one hand, the other balled into a fist.

“I-I’m sorry,” Connor said, acutely aware he had done something wrong. “Did I hurt you?”

Gavin’s body started to move again, that shimmering shake of nerves. Connor watched a tear slip out of his left eye before Gavin turned around, whispering, “Fuck,” under his breath.

“It’s late,” Gavin said, his voice just as shaky as his body. “You should go home.”

Connor tilted his head. “Detective, it’s only seven.”

“Yeah, well, it’s midnight somewhere!”

Connor turned to the door, stopped halfway, and looked back at Gavin. His body was no longer shaking from nerves but from sobs. They were quiet, an active choice of Gavin to not be heard, but they were still noticeable.

Connor turned back and stood directly behind Gavin. He wrapped his arms around Gavin, inch by inch, waiting and watching in case Gavin turned him away. Gavin stilled, his hands open in surprise, but he did not say anything against it.

Connor’s arms met around Gavin’s waist, pulling the human back a little bit until their bodies were pushed together. 

Connor placed his head on Gavin’s shoulder and whispered, “I don’t think any less of you when you cry. If anything, it shows how strong you are to face what ails you.”

Gavin sniffed, and turned around in Connor’s grip, hugging the android back and burying his tear-stained face in Connor’s chest.

-

Gavin groaned in time with his alarm clock. He reached a hand out to turn it off, swatting it down to the floor. He rolled back over, burying himself under his blankets. He stopped squirming, body stiffening as he heard a clang from his kitchen.

Last night came back to his slowly. Connor had come over. Said he had gotten into an argument with Hank. They had kissed. Gavin groaned, remembering how he had broken down in the android’s arms, crying at his soft touches.

He didn’t remember much past that. They had sat back down on the couch as Gavin cried, and he had eventually fallen asleep on Connor’s shoulder. He has a faint memory of Connor carrying him down the hall. He felt around at his body, happy to know he was still in yesterday’s clothes, that Connor hadn’t tried to strip him or change him into pajamas.

He rolled onto his back. He strained to hear what was going on in the kitchen. He thought he heard bacon sizzling, but he knew he didn’t have any in the house so maybe it was just really popping eggs. 

Gavin pulled the covers over his head, not ready to face Connor yet, not ready to be forced to deal with what had happened last night, especially not when he still had to go to work that day. He rubbed a hand over his face, trying to get rid of his permanent tiredness.

There was a quick rap at his door and Gavin bolted up, the silk sheets slipping off his body and pooling around his waist.

“Gavin?” Connor called out. “Are you awake?”

Gavin cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m up.”

“Good. I’ve made you some breakfast.” A brief hesitation. “If you’re hungry that is. You don’t have to eat it.”

“I, uh, I’ll be right out.”

Gavin listened to Connor walk away, took another moment to compose himself before finally getting up and changing into a fresh set of clothes. He should have showered, but he didn’t fancy the idea of being naked with someone else in the apartment, so he just sprayed on some old cologne he had and put a little extra product in his hair to keep it manageable.

The smell in the hallway pulled him towards the kitchen where a whole buffet had been set up on his table. There were eggs, in three different styles, a whole stack of pancakes, a plate full of toast, a bowl of fruit and another plate with a few strips of bacon on it.

“Uh,” Gavin said, staring at all the food. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t find all this in my pantry.”

Connor turned around from the sink, where he was already starting to wash dishes. He chuckled a bit. “Certainly not. You didn’t have any food so I went to the store.”

“And decided to feed the whole apartment complex?”

Connor smiled at him. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I made a little bit of everything. Proper nutrition is important. Please make sure you eat at least one fruit before you go.”

“Uh, sure.” 

Gavin’s stomach grumbled, begging him to just unhinge his jaw and shove the whole table in his mouth. He settled for sitting down and smothering a pancake in syrup. Connor nodded, happy with this, and returned to the sink.

“You know,” Gavin said, swallowing his mouthful of the fluffiest pancake he’s ever eaten, “you didn’t have to go out and buy me food.”

“I know,” Connor said. “But I wanted to. You had nothing in your fridge, at least, nothing that wasn’t expired.”

Gavin shrugged. “I live off take out, nothing wrong with that.”

Connor turned to him, LED a soft yellow. “There are several things wrong with that!”

“Okay,” Gavin said. “Calm down.”

Connor sighed, blue once more. “I’m sorry. I just don’t understand why some humans insist on maintaining bad eating habits.”

“Convenience mostly,” Gavin said. “There’s never a time when a grocery store isn’t crowded.”

Connor stopped his movements, face falling, the sound by the sink stilling. “Of course,” he whispered. “I hadn’t even thought about that. I’m sorry.”

Gavin choked a bit on his bite of toast. “You don’t have to apologize. You did a nice thing. Thank you. For uh, everything.”

Connor smiled again. “You’re very welcome.”

“So, uhm, what are you going to do now that you can’t work?”

“I don’t know.” Connor shut off the sink and started drying off the pots and pans he had cooked with. “I haven’t really had much free time before.”

“Well, do you have any hobbies?”

“No.”

“Okay. Maybe, get one?”

Connor tilted his head slightly, LED blinking in time with his thoughts. “How does one get a hobby, exactly?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Go to a hobby shop? Look around, see what piques your interest?”

Connor moved his mouth around, humming to himself as he thought. “I suppose that’s something I could look into.” He watched Gavin reach for another pancake. “Please don’t forget a fruit.”

Gavin rolled his eyes and grabbed an apple, taking a bite out of it while giving Connor a look. “There. Happy?”

“Very.”

Gavin finished eating his breakfast and Connor finished cleaning. Then Connor started putting the leftover food away in the containers he had also apparently bought.

“You don’t have to do that,” Gavin said, trying to grab the containers from Connor’s grasp.

Connor held them out of reach. “I know. I want to.”

“Well, let me help at least.” Gavin leaned over, no longer afraid of touching Connor, body pressed against his as he reached.

“No,” Connor said, simple as that. “I’ve got it.”

“I know you got it but you also got cooking so let me help!”

“No.” Connor pushed Gavin away a bit with his hip. “Let me do it.”

Gavin groaned and backed down, standing there with his arms crossed as he watched. He smirked, taking the opportunity to grab the empty plates and start cleaning them before Connor could get to it. 

“Fine,” Connor huffed, standing next to him. “I’ll dry.” He held his hand out and Gavin handed him the clean plate. 

It was kind of nice, Gavin thought, letting his mind wander as he cleaned. Having Connor there was nice. It was nice having another person around. It was nice having someone to talk to and joke with. It was nice being able to accidentally brush hands with someone and not have to pull away or worry about changing. 

Gavin turned the sink off and wiped his hands dry on the towel Connor offered him. “Thank you for breakfast,” he said. “And uh, all the leftovers.”

“Of course,” Connor said. “If you ever need, I’ll be more than happy to go to the store for you. It’s important to me that you’re eating well.”

“Thanks, Connor. I’ll definitely think about it.”

“Good.”

Connor stared at him, eyes bouncing around a bit, fingers fidgeting. 

“You okay?” Gavin asked.

“I was wondering...well, I hope it’s alright. But I’ve been thinking a lot about last night, and I was wondering if maybe I could kiss you again? I found it to be quite enjoyable, and I’d like to. But If it makes you uncomfortable in any way then, of course, we don’t have to. I just thought it might be nice.”

“Oh.” Gavin blinked. “Uhm.” He looked down at the ground. He’d be lying if he said the idea of kissing Connor again didn’t excite him. The first one had been nothing special, but when Connor took control and really kissed him, it felt like the world was melting away. But he also wasn't entirely sure what had made him cry and he wasn’t too fond of crying before work.

“It’s okay,” Connor said, before Gavin had time to collect all his thoughts. “We don’t have to. I understand, it would be awkward and probably not befitting a professional relationship.”

Gavin rolled his eyes. Connor needed to learn to slow his brain down and wait half a second before jumping to conclusions. Gavin stepped forward, grabbing Connor’s shirt a little too tight. He pulled the android forward, meeting a little resistance from him. But all that resistance stopped when Gavin pressed his lips to Connor’s.

It was the same kind of lackluster kiss as the first time, but it was somehow different, like there was a spark of energy between the two of them. And when Gavin pulled back, smiling at Connor’s yellow LED and rapidly blinking eyes, he wanted nothing more than to dive back in.

“I should get going,” he said instead. He cleared his throat, happy to know that there were no tears threatening his eyes.

“Oh. Yes, of course. You might be late. Would it be alright if I came back here tonight?”

“Still upset at Hank?” Gavin asked, a slight smirk on his face.

“Oh.” Connor’s face fell. “No. I had forgotten about that.”

Gavin pulled his eyebrows together. “Then why did you want to come over?”

Then Connor blushed, something that Gavin wasn’t even sure androids could do, and it was the most adorable thing Gavin had ever seen, causing his own face to turn a bit pink.

“Well, I just thought, maybe we could…” Connor dropped his voice to a whisper, “...kiss some more.”

Gavin laughed, and Connor’s eyes opened wide, head snapping up in worry. 

“If that’s really what you want to do in your spare time,” Gavin said. “Be my guest.”

“It is,” Connor said, nodding excitedly. “I mean,” he blushed even more, looking down at the ground, “as long as that’s what you want.”

Gavin smiled at him, feeling at peace with his life for the first time since he could remember. No one had ever wanted to freely hang out with him. And here was this...possibly cute...guy that not only wanted to be with him, but who wanted to kiss him. 

Someone actually wanted to kiss him. And Gavin felt like he was walking on clouds.

-

Gavin walked into work feeling the best he’s ever felt. As far as he was concerned, nothing could bring him down. He had a friend, possibly even a boyfriend. He had released twenty some odd years of pent up frustration and pain in a clarifying breakdown session. And he had had a full and complete breakfast. Everything was finally starting to look up.

And then Hank Anderson decided to open his mouth.

“He was with you last night, wasn’t he?” Hank said, tracking Gavin down in the breakroom.

“What are you talking about?”

“Connor, idiot.”

Gavin frowned. “Yeah, he came over. So what?”

Hank put his hands on his hips and shook his head. “Connor’s got a bright future, you know? You shouldn’t let him waste his time on you.”

“Waste his time?” Gavin asked. He crossed his arms, shrinking into his coat. “How exactly is he wasting his time?”

“Don’t play dumb. We both know you’re going to end up hurting him sooner or later. He’s going to get attached and you’re going to pull some classic Reed shit and he’s gonna end up getting hurt.” Hank shook his head. “And I’m not going to let you do that.”

Gavin scowled at him. “Just what exactly are you going to do about it then, hm?”

Hank stepped forward, crowding into Gavin’s space, pushing his back up against the counter. “You better leave him alone,” he growled. “And trust me when I say, you don’t want to find out what will happen to you if you don’t.”

Hank gave Gavin a hard stare and then stomped away. Gavin stood there, holding onto the counter with white knuckles, listening to the little ping from the coffee machine telling him his beverage was ready.

He felt a tear trickle down his cheek and he wiped it away, forcing the others to remain in his watery eyes. Just once. Just once he wished his happiness could last.

-

Connor was standing patiently outside of his apartment door when he got home. He immediately smiled upon seeing him, pushing away from the wall and meeting him halfway. It made Gavin’s insides cold.

“I thought about picking you up some dinner,” Connor said, walking with Gavin, “but I wasn't entirely sure when you’d get home, or what you’d like. If you want I can go out now.”

“Don’t bother,” Gavin mumbled, opening his apartment.

“I went to the hobby shop,” Connor said, slipping into the apartment, noting how Gavin had tried to shut the door on him. “There wasn’t anything terribly interesting so I went for a walk and watched a man playing guitar and I thought that might be something fun to try.”

“Cool.”

Gavin wandered into the kitchen and Connor followed. “How was work?”

“Peachy.”

“Something happened,” Connor said, not a question. He stood by the entrance to the kitchen, watching Gavin stand holding the door to the fridge opened. “Is everything alright?”

Gavin sighed, closing the door empty-handed. “You should go back to Hank’s,” he whispered.

“But…” Connor scrunched his face up, concentrating on remembering that morning’s conversation. “You said I could come back. That we could...you know, kiss.”

Gavin didn’t turn to look at him. “Well, I changed my mind.”

Connor shook his head. “I don’t understand. What happened to change your mind? Clearly something at work. You should tell me.”

“Nothing happened,” Gavin said, grinding his teeth. “Just get out.”

“But-”

“Out! Now!” Gavin spun around, face red as he pointed back towards the door.

Connor glanced at it, then shook his head. “No. I’m not leaving until you tell me what happened.”

Gavin groaned, then stomped forward, pushing Connor towards the door. Connor put up some resistance but mainly just stared at Gavin with those wide eyes as he shoved him out of the apartment.

The door slammed in his face and Connor placed a hand on the wood. “Gavin,” he said. “I really think you need to talk about it.”

“Go home, Connor,” Gavin said. “Just forget about me okay?”

“I can’t,” Connor said. “I won’t. Gavin let me back in. We can work this out.”

“There’s nothing too work out! I don’t want you here so just go!”

“I refuse to believe that.” 

Gavin didn’t respond. Connor stepped closer to the door, trying to listen to what was going on behind it.

“Gavin. Please.”

His pleas were met with silence and Connor stood there for a long time trying to process it all. He couldn’t stay there with Gavin. And he didn’t want to go back to Hank who would just say ‘I told you so.’ Connor would have just stayed in that spot in that hallway all night if someone hadn’t walked past him going to their own apartment.

He sighed, turning away from the door and walking into the chilled air. He turned to go further into the city. There was only one other place he could go when he had nowhere to go, the place that all deviant androids ended up at eventually.

Jericho.

-  
**[A/n] This scene contains mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation**

As soon as Connor was gone, Gavin crumbled to the floor. He curled himself into a ball, huddling in the corner of his hallway. Corners had always been his safe place, somewhere where he didn’t have to worry about anyone sneaking up behind him. That day he wished Connor was there behind him instead of the wall. Connor. Holding him. Hugging him. Protecting him.

He had had that. Had had someone to protect him and now he was back to being alone.

But Gavin didn’t want to be alone anymore. He had tasted a life with Connor in it and he didn’t want to be without again. 

But Hank had been right. Connor was special. He didn’t need to be wasting his time on Gavin, rushing around saving him from crowds and going to the fucking store to buy him food. He should be focusing on his cases, on his future at the DPD. And Gavin couldn’t be a part of that.

With wobbly legs, Gavin carried himself down the hall to the bathroom. He stared at his face in the mirror, the face that was only partially his. His jaw was still that strange half-morphed state it had been in since that time in the academy when he had his first sparring match. His nose still had that scar on it from the time he had tried to break it back into place after a shift and had to have emergency surgery on it. He wasn’t even sure if his eyes were his or not. 

The mirror pulled away and Gavin stared at his medicine cabinet. His eyes fell on the bottle of prescription pain meds he had for when he had a big shift and his body ached, like the unfortunate brush with the old lady in the market that one time that had shrunk him three inches. 

He grabbed the bottle and pulled it out, staring at it. It could be easy, he thought. Just swallow a whole handful of them and it would be over. He wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. He wouldn’t have to feel the pain of shifting, both physical and emotional. It would all just be over. No more suffering.

But then Gavin thought about Nancy Shuer. She had been killed in her apartment yesterday and the still hadn’t found the culprit. Gavin couldn’t just abandon her. If he died, who would find her killer and avenge her? Certainly not any of the idiots he worked with.

No, Gavin thought, putting the bottle back in the cabinet. Nancy needed him. And that would be enough for now.

-

Connor wasn’t really sure what he was expecting when he arrived at New Jericho. It was a block of apartment buildings that the government had given to the androids that didn’t have homes. He hadn’t really been there since it was first given away, and that was a few months ago. It was oddly quiet, and Connor stood at the start of the block, unsure exactly where he was going to go, or what he was going to do.

“Connor?”

Connor turned around, watching the familiar android approach him from across the street.

“Josh,” Connor said. “Hello.”

“Hi. Uhm. What are you doing here?”

Connor shuffled his feet, looking down. “Well, I guess...I guess I need a place to stay. Just for tonight! I don’t need an apartment or anything.”

“Is everything okay?” 

Connor nodded, his eyes still downcast. “Yes.”

Josh gave him a soft, knowing smile. “Come on,” he said. “You can stay with me tonight.”

“I appreciate it,” Connor said, following Josh to his apartment. 

It was fairly small, but not much furniture took up the space. The living room was just stacks of books all over the place. 

“Sorry,” Josh said, a little blush on his face. “I’ve been meaning to clean up.” He moved two piles of books off the little futon couch he had, adding them to the mass on the floor.

“It’s alright,” Connor said. He picked up one of the books, flipping through it a bit. “I don’t mind one bit.”

“So.” Josh sat down, inviting Connor to sit next to him. “What happened?”

Connor stared at him for a little bit. It was odd, he thought, that this android who he hadn’t really had much interaction within the past was so interested in his present. 

“It’s nothing, really,” Connor said. “Just...I’ve had a little bit of a fight with my friends and needed to be away for the night is all. Nothing to worry about.”

“Are you sure?” Josh asked. “I mean, if there’s something you want to talk about, I’m here.”

Connor thought about it for a second. He figured it might be nice to get it all out. He also figured an outsider’s perspective would be useful. So he told Josh everything, starting with finding out Gavin was a shapeshifter all the way up to being kicked out that night.

“And it’s strange,” Connor said. “Because whenever I’m not with Gavin he seems to be all I can think about. And I want to do everything possible to make him happy.”

Josh gave him a pitiful smile. “That’s really not healthy, Connor.”

“What do you mean, not healthy?”

“Look, I think it’s great that you want to help him, and I definitely think that you should. But, Connor, you can’t put his needs above your own. You can’t expect to help him if you’re hurt.”

Connor huffed. “Why does everyone seem to think Gavin is going to hurt me?”

“Didn’t he?” Josh asked. “Tonight?”

“I-” Connor frowned. “That’s not exactly fair. I know he wasn’t acting alone in that. Something externally happened to him and he just wouldn’t tell me what.”

“Fair enough. But tell me, what do you value most over anything else?”

Connor tilted his head, thinking about it for a moment. “I suppose my work,” he said. “I may not be operating under Cyberlife anymore, but I’m still built to be a detective, and doing my job and doing it well gives me great pride and joy.”

“And you jeopardized that for Gavin.”

“I jeopardized it to stop someone from being harassed.”

“And that someone was Gavin.”

“So what!” Connor jumped up from the couch, his rage boiling back, pacing around the stacks to try and calm himself down. “Are you saying I shouldn’t have? What if it had been Markus? Or some random citizen? I’m sure people wouldn’t be making such a big deal of it!”

“If it was,” Josh said, his voice remaining soft and calm, “you wouldn’t have broken his wrist.”

Connor stopped pacing, eyeing Josh up. “What do you mean?”

“If it was someone other than Gavin, you would have grabbed their arm and just told them to stop. But it was Gavin. And you care about him and so you let your anger get the best of you and you broke his wrist. You wouldn’t have let that happen for just anybody. Of that, I’m pretty sure.”

Connor’s insides settled down, that threatening anger subsiding. “I...I just want to protect him,” he said, searching Josh’s eyes for answers. He felt a new hitch in his system, tears starting to form in his eyes. “Why is that so bad?”

“It’s one thing to protect someone,” Josh said. “And another to hurt for them.”

Connor looked down at the ground, thinking that over. “What should I do?”

“That’s something you need to figure out. You and Gavin.” Josh smiled and Connor looked up at him. “I can see that you really do care for him, quite deeply despite how short you’ve known him. But it’s probably best if you slow down. Help him but don’t let his issues consume you too.”

Connor sighed, settling back down on the couch. “I just wish there was something I could do to make everything better.”

Josh placed a hand on his shoulder. “There is no easy cure-all. It’s gonna take hard work and a lot of internal reflection. But you’re a strong one Connor, and it sounds like this Gavin is too. There’s no doubt in my mind that you guys will work through this.”

“Thank you,” Connor said. “When I tried to talk to Hank about it he just got mad and said I shouldn’t waste my time on Gavin.” He shook his head. “I just don’t see it as wasted time.”

“Spend your time with him, Connor,” Josh said. “Just not all of it.”

Connor nodded. “Yes, I think you’re right. I need to figure out how to find the middle ground. Is it alright if I still stay here tonight? I think it’s best to talk to them both after they’ve slept.”

Josh’s smile widened. “Of course, happy to have the company.”

-

Gavin was prepared to hear a lot of things come out of Hank’s mouth the next day at work, but “didn’t I tell you to stay away from him,” wasn’t one of them.

Gavin looked the older man up and down, face scrunching up a bit. “I did,” he said. 

“Well he didn’t come home last night so I know he was with you.”

Panic settled in Gavin’s stomach. “I told him to go home. I kicked him out. Where-where is he then?”

Hank took a step back, no longer crowding Gavin’s space. “He wasn’t with you?”

Gavin shook his head, his mouth going dry. If Connor didn’t go home where did he go? He hadn’t even called Hank to tell him where he was. What if something bad happened to him? What if he got hurt? What if he was lying dead in a ditch somewhere and no one knew it?

And it had all been Gavin’s fault.

Gavin turned away, leaning on the counter to try and ground himself. He felt horrible, more horrible than he ever has in his entire life. 

Hank’s voice snapped him back to reality.

“Connor!” 

Gavin whirled around, eyes scanning for the android before realizing that Hank was on his phone.

“Where are you?...who is Josh?...Well are you okay? Why didn’t you call...no-no, of course, you don’t. That’s not what I was implying I was just...You worried me is all...but you’re okay, right? You aren’t hurt?...Good.... Yes, I’ll see you then.”

Gavin bit his lip, swallowing back the tears that had cropped up. “Is he okay? Is he safe?”

Hank sighed and scowled at him. “He’s fine.” Then he turned around and walked away.

Gavin stood there, mouth open, begging for more information. He pulled out his own phone, fingers hovering over the buttons, hand shaking a bit. Then he put it away, resolving to stay strong with his decision from the previous night. Connor was better off without him and this whole fiasco only served to prove it.

So Gavin did his best to forget about and do his job. He figured out that Nancy had a recent ex, a man who had been arrested in the past for domestic abuse. It took all day to track him down but when all was said and done Nancy’s murder had been avenged.

Gavin smilled, putting her case file away. That moment was the only thing he had left in his life that gave him joy. It was why he had become a detective in the first place. He couldn’t be friends with the living, so he made friends with the dead. He had never been a particularly spiritual person, but every time he solved a case, every time he put behind bars the murderer of an innocent, Gavin swore he felt like someone was thanking him, like someone was reaching out to him and giving him a hug.

It was still twenty minutes until the end of his shift, so Gavin went up to the sergeant, eager to get started on a new assignment.

“Just go on home,” she said. “It’s almost time anyway, and I don’t really have anything new.”

“That’s impossible,” Gavin said. “This is Detroit. There can’t not be any dead bodies!”

“You know” the sergeant raised an eyebrow at him. “You know, most people would be glad to know the murder rate has gone down.”

“You don’t understand,” Gavin said, leaning over he desk. “I need a case.”

“There’s nothing new right now,” she told him. “All cases are currently assigned. If you want, I’m sure Lieutenant Anderson would appreciate some help with Connor gone this week.”

Gavin sighed and looked back at Hank. He groaned, leaving the sergeant's desk and walking over to Hank’s.

“What do you want?” Hank asked, only glancing at Gavin briefly. 

Gavin gritted his teeth. “Do you need any help with your case?”

Hank sat back, looking at Gavin properly. “What?”

“Don’t make me say it again.”

Hank scoffed. “You know, believe it or not, I am capable of solving a case without Connor. I did it for 30 some odd years without him.”

“That’s not what I’m-” Gavin sighed, rolling his eyes. “Just forget it. It’s not worth it.”

He spun around and decided he would go home early. He half expected Connor to be by his door when he returned. And his heart sank a little when he wasn’t. 

-

Connor had woken up with a new mindset and a plan. He thanked Josh for the talk and the couch for the night and then had gone for a walk. 

First, he went to a library to do some research that required knowledge not found in his database. Then, he stopped at a music store, earning him a weird glance from the store owner as he bought himself a guitar. He could tell the older gentleman was confused as to why an android was buying a guitar, especially an android not designed for that sort of thing, but Connor was a paying customer so he kept his words to himself.

Connor went back to the park and found the same man from yesterday. He was in his same spot, playing his guitar with a hat on the ground, a few dollars and coins in it. Connor approached him slowly.

“Hello,” Connor said, interrupting the man’s song.

The guitarist’s fingers stumbled a bit, the song stopping, the air growing still.

“Can I help you?” he asked, glaring at Connor.

“I was wondering if you could teach me,” Connor said. He set the guitar case down on the bench nearby and opened it, pulling out his new instrument.

The man laughed a bit. “Can’t you just look it up in that computer brain of yours?”

Connor studied his guitar, smiling at it a bit. “Yes. I am capable of instantly learning all the chords and strums, of perfectly recreating any song ever made and possibly creating new ones that are perfectly in tune and on beat. But,” Connor’s gaze drifted over to the man, “I’d like to learn how to do what you do.”

The man looked Connor up and down. “And what is it exactly that I do?”

“Play with meaning, with emotion with...well, play with soul.”

The man smirked at him. “Well, better get yourself comfortable then. Seems like you’ve got a lot to learn.”

After spending the day in the park with his new guitar teacher, Connor went back to Hank’s and waited. He found that strumming about on his guitar was just enough stimulation to keep his mind from wandering, yet not too challenging as to tire him out. It was the perfect, happy medium.

He stopped strumming when he heard Hank pull up. He put his guitar back in its case, making sure it was properly stored away. 

“Hello, Hank,” he said when Hank walked in through the door.

“Oh, Jesus,” Hank said, turning the light on and holding a hand to his chest. “You scared me.”

“I told you I would meet you here tonight.”

“Yeah, but not sitting in the dark.”

“Ah, sorry. I didn’t realize.”

Hank shrugged off his coat and hung it up before moving to sit next to Connor on the couch. “Are you okay?”

Connor didn’t look at him. “Yes.”

“Connor-”

Connor’s eyes snapped up, squinting at Hank. “Did you say something to him.”

“Say something to who?”

“Gavin.”

“Oh.” Hank leaned back a bit. “I say lots of things to Gavin. I do work with the guy.”

“About me, Hank. Did you say anything to Gavin about me and our relationship.”

“So it’s a relationship?”

Connor closed his eyes. “I trusted you, Hank. I thought you were my friend. Why would you do that?”

“I was just trying to protect you, Connor. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need your protection, Hank.” Connor looked back up at him. “I need you to understand that. I realize I’ve only been technically alive for a few months, and deviant for even less, but I’m not a helpless little kid. I can make my own decisions.”

Hank nodded. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, Connor. I just...ah fuck. I guess my parental instincts just came out pretty strong. Being a dad never stops, even when you don’t have any kids.”

“Hank…” Connor shook his head. “I appreciate how much you care for me and want to help me. But I am not your son. And even if I was, aren’t you supposed to let your kids make their own mistakes?”

Hank looked down, his body sagging into the couch. “You’re right. I am sorry, Connor.”

“It’s alright, Hank.” Connor put a hand on his shoulder. “Your heart was in the right place. But I need you to trust me when I say that Gavin is not a mistake.”

“Yeah.” He sighed heavily. “Okay.”

“I have listened to you, though,” Connor said, smiling a bit. “A little anyway. I’m going to be more careful from now on.”

“I know you will, Connor. You’re a lot smarter than the lot of us. Say, wanna finish that movie?”

“I do.” Connor stood up. “But I have to go talk to Gavin first.” He ran a hand over his guitar case. “Do you mind if I leave this here?”

“Of course, Connor this is as much your home as it is mine.” Hank looked down at the case. “Guitar huh?”

Connor smiled. “Yes. It’s quite calming.”

Hank nodded. “That’s always good. Uhm...I hope, ah fuck, I hope everything works out okay with Gavin. I’ll apologize to him tomorrow, I promise.”

“Thank you, Hank. That would be very agreeable.”

-

 

**[A/n] This scene contains suicidal ideation and a stopped suicidal attempt**

Gavin didn’t even bother turning on the lights when he got home. He slumped over to his couch, curling up on the cushions and turning on the television. He watched the infomercial channel, feeling better about his life. He may not be able to touch anyone, but at least he knew how to use a hammer, or make popcorn without spilling it all over the floor.

Eventually, the pressure on his bladder forced him up to the bathroom. He stared at his broken face as he washed his hands. His eyes were bloodshot and tired and the soft wrinkles in his skin seemed even darker and set-in. His eyes landed on the corner of the mirror, where he knew the bottle of pain meds rested.

He didn’t even feel like himself as he opened the mirror and grabbed the bottle of pills. He had always had identity issues when it came to his body, but he always felt like Gavin, had turned inward and focused on what his mind as Gavin was like. But in that moment, it felt like Gavin had just stepped outside, or rather, had disappeared entirely, leaving the empty shell of a body behind.

And that body had no reason to exist anymore. His hands didn’t even shake as he opened the bottle, pouring a handful of the pills out. He blinked once, tossing them into his mouth. 

Just as he was about to swallow, there was a knocking at his door. He stilled, the pills turning sticky in his mouth.

“Gavin?” Connor’s voice called out to him. He opened his mouth, tongue pushing the pills to the floor. “Gavin I know you’re home please open the door.” Gavin’s hand loosened its grip on the bottle, the rest of the pills spilling out on the floor. “I’m not leaving this time so save us the whole night and just let me in.”

All at once Gavin had returned to his body. He started shaking again, eyes looking over the mess he had made. Connor knocked again, his fist slamming against the door. Gavin jumped, then raced down the hall, throwing the door open.

“Thank you,” Connor said, fixing his sleeve.

Gavin felt the tears falling warm on his face even though his eyes still felt dry and bloodshot. 

Connor tilted his head. “What’s wrong?”

Gavin tried to talk but all that escaped was a sob. He stepped forward, burying his face in Connor’s chest, wrapping his arms tight around the android’s waist.

“Gavin,” Connor whispered. He hugged him back, one hand on his back and one on his head. He walked them into the apartment, softly closing the door with his foot. “It’s okay, Gavin. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay.”

“I almost did it,” Gavin said, his voice muffled through the sobs and the shirt. “I don’t want to live but damn it, Connor I don’t want to die.”

“Okay,” Connor said, shushing him. “It’s okay now. Just calm down.”

Gavin’s knees buckled and Connor swooped down, picking Gavin up and carrying him to the couch. He sat with Gavin in his lap, hugging him tight as he cried. He felt it again, that mixture of sadness and anger. He tried to force it away but it was too strong for him to ignore.

“I’m sorry,” Gavin sobbed. “I’m sorry. I’m such a mess and you don’t deserve that. Please, please, Connor.”

Connor shushed him again. “I don’t want to hear that kind of talk, Gavin.”

“All I ever do is cry. That’s what I do, Connor. I cry and mess things up.”

Connor just shushed him, rubbing his back. Gavin pulled away, still sitting in Connor’s lap, wiping his face off.

“I’m so sorry, Connor. I don’t-fuck. I don’t know what’s wrong with me these days.”

Connor gave him an encouraging smile. “It’s alright, Gavin. You’re going through a lot. And I think I might have a solution.”

Gavin sniffled. “What’s that?”

“I think you should talk to someone. A professional I mean.”

Gavin rolled his eyes, a slight smile on his face. “It’s not going to work, Connor.”

“Have you tired?”

“No. But I can tell you what’s going to happen.”

Connor settled back a little. “Enlighten me.”

Gavin got up, Connor frowning at him a little. “They’re going to tell me I’m touch starved. And do you know what the treatment is for that? It’s to find someone to touch you! They’ll say go get a friend and give them a hug but guess what? I can’t! I’m the only shapeshifter in the whole world who can’t control their powers. I can’t just go out and touch someone!”

“Gavin.” Connor stood up, crowding Gavin’s space. He grabbed the man’s hands. “You’re touching me right now.” He cupped Gavin’s face in his hands. “I am your friend.” He pulled him into a hug. “I can help with that. But you need more than just me so please. Please at least give it a try.”

Gavin gulped back more tears. “I, uh...I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to know,” Connor said. “You just have to try. Please. Just try.”

Gavin sighed, hugging Connor back since he couldn’t seem to break free of his grasp. “Alright. I’ll give it a shot. But don’t go expecting anything to come of this.”

“Thank you,” Connor said. He pulled away, looking into Gavin’s eyes. 

Gavin reached up and wiped off the remaining tears. He chuckled. “Damn, almost killing yourself really takes a lot out of you, huh?”

Connor’s grip increased on his arms. “How? Where?”

“Pills. Bathroom.”

Connor nodded and walked away. Gavin heard the toilet flush. Connor returned, his face soft. “Anything else?”

Gavin shook his head. “I, uhm, I know that like, you shouldn’t, but uh, could you maybe stay here tonight? I don’t think I want to be alone.”

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving you right now,” Connor said. He reached up, one hand landing on Gavin’s cheek.

Gavin tilted his head into the touch, feeling Connor’s fingers brush over his skin. “I’m bad for you,” he whispered.

“Shut up,” Connor said. Gavin stared at him and Connor stepped closer. “I like you, Gavin. And I don’t intend on just letting that go.” 

Gavin nodded and Connor leaned in, kissing him gently. Gavin was the one who reached out, pulling Connor in for a deeper kiss.

-

Gavin woke up half-naked in his bed with a surprisingly clear head. He remembered kissing Connor and asking him to sleep in bed with him. He had never cuddled with someone before and it had been weird trying to find a position that worked.

But then Connor had taken his shirt off, the collar bugging him as he said. And Gavin had followed lead, their torsos pressed against each other as they lay together. Gavin smiled, remembered how nice it had felt to feel all that skin against him, like being wrapped up in a blanket fresh out of the dryer.

Then he realized that skin was conveniently missing from his bed. He got up, wandering down the hall. Connor was sitting on the couch, head tilted slightly as he watched the muted television.

“Hey,” Gavin said.

Connor startled, turning to Gavin with a yellow LED. “Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you get up.”

Gavin smiled at him. He was a little sad to see that Connor had put his shirt back on, but it was probably for the best, considering what he was about to try and do. He walked around and sat down next to Connor.

“Would you like some coffee?” Connor asked. “I’d be happy to make you a cup.”

“No, thanks,” Gavin said. He stared at Connor’s big doe eyes and groaned. “I uhm, I actually wanted to talk to you about something, now that I’ve had time to think with a clear mind.”

“Of course.” Connor turned off the tv and settled to face Gavin. “What’s on your mind.”

“Us,” Gavin said.

“Oh.”

“Connor I, uh, I like you.” He reached out, placing his hands on Connor’s. “But I think it might be best if we were just friends.”

Connor gave him a tight smile. “Of course. I,” he cleared his throat, looking away briefly. “I understand.”

“That’s not what you want, huh?” Gavin asked, knowing the answer already.

“I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable. If being friends is your comfort zone, then I’ll be happy to reside in it.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“I just-” Connor sighed. “I actually don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”

“If I’m going to be doing this, this whole going to therapy and working on myself, I don’t think I need to be trying to traverse my first serious relationship at the same time.”

“Oh, yes. Yes of course. Now I get it. Well, I’ll be your friend now, and then in the future, we can be together.”

“I can’t ask you to wait for me,” Gavin said. 

“I’m going to,” Connor said. “Because I know that you are the person I’m supposed to be with.”

Gavin scoffed softly. “What? LIke soulmates?’

“Exactly.”

“Connor that’s crazy.”

Connor shifted, sitting up more. “Then how do you explain why you don’t change with me?” Gavin just shrugged. “I did some research. Gavin, it’s said that a shapeshifter’s soulmate is the one person on Earth they are incapable of turning into.”

“That’s just a bunch of old superstition,” Gavin said. “You can’t seriously believe that.”

Connor grabbed Gavin's hand, raising an eyebrow at him. Gavin laughed a bit, looking away, shaking his head.

“I’m going to wait for you, Gavin. I will be your friend. I will always be your friend. And I will support you as you figure yourself out. As far as I’m concerned, no one else stands a chance with me. I mean, until you I hadn’t even thought about being in a relationship.”

Gavin looked back at him, licking his lips. “You’re crazy. You know that, right?”

Connor smiled. “I might be.”

Gavin ran his hands over his face. “So,” he said, holding one hand out to Connor. “Friends?”

Connor smiled and shook his hand. “Friends.” He winked. “For now.”

 

\- One year later-

 

Connor and Hank looked over at the door in unison as someone hammered against it. Hank stood up, body tense as Connor went to open it. They both relaxed as Gavin came storming in.

“It happened!” he shouted, dumping his hat on the floor. “It happened, it happened!”

“Want to fill us in on the actual details?” Hank asked.

Connor helped the excited Gavin out of his coat.

“I touched someone!” Gavin said. “And look!” He pointed to himself. “Nothing changed.”

“Gavin,” Connor said slowly, eyes scanning his body. “This is amazing.”

“I know! I went to the store cause I was really craving some strawberries and this girl and I both reached for the same carton and our hands touched and look! I’m still me!” Gavin started pacing, his speech increasing in speed. “I mean, for a brief second I was terrified, absolutely afraid, but then I just relaxed.” He stopped, grabbing Connor’s hands. “You know, like we’ve been practicing? And nothing happened! I didn’t change!”

“I’m so happy for you!” Connor said. He held Gavin’s hand tight, smiling as he stared at his perfectly unchanged face.

“That is really great, Gavin,” Hank said, even smiling a bit. 

I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you,” Gavin said, looking into Connor’s eyes.

Connor smiled at him. “Happy to help.”

Gavin’s face twitched a bit. “Still waiting, huh?”

Connor chuckled a bit. “Well, you know me.”

Gavin shook his head. Then he grabbed Connor’s face and pulled him into a kiss.

“Oh jeez,” Hank said, averting his gaze.

The two parted and Connor stared at Gavin with a wide smile.

“Sorry,” Gavin said. “For taking so long.”

Connor shook his head. “It barely felt like any time at all.”

“I’m looking forward to traversing my first relationship with you,” Gavin said. “I uh, I’m kind of hoping it’s my only one.”

Connor kissed him again. “You and me both.”


End file.
